Sunday, November 22, 2009
A club that nobody wants a part of.
I am now apart of a club. A club that no one wants to be apart of. However, we are forced into membership. The fee is great and the burden even greater. The time that it requires from you is endless. There is no way out, and you will forever struggle with why you were forced in. And anyone who is not part of the club will never understand. They will never know the pain. They will never know what it's like. This is the club for those who have lost a child. On August 20th, 2009 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Tianna Michael Madison Lopes. She quickly became my world, my life, my everything. My heart beat with a special note. My eyes could see with a glow of light. A short 5 weeks later, my baby girl, my angel was taken from me. She was stollen from my arms. My world came to a crashing stop. My breath seemed worthless. My heart missing it beats. The light that lit my world was taken and I am left in the dark. Friends and family try to help. Offering condolences and hug and "Anything you need". Anything I need??? Yes, I need my baby back. That's all I want. You can take everythying else. I don't want it or need it. I just want my Tianna back. I don't want to hear shes in a better place. I don't want to hear that she is happy and smiling down on me. With me, her mother, that is the best place for her to be. I want to see her smile. I never got to hear her laugh. I never got to hear her call me mommy. I never got sloppy kisses. I never got to kiss her boo boo. I am now left with less then I had before I was pregnant with her. My first born. My baby girl. My love, my life, my heart, my EVERYTHING. Gone.